valentine's day and a byu-i bridal shower.

This past week has been a week! Austin has been working crazy, long hours. It sucks, at least for me. I miss being able to talk to my best friend. But with him working all day, he's ready to go to bed the moment he gets home (ok, probably even before he gets home, he literally works almost all day!) and we get to talk twenty minutes if I'm lucky. I'm working on trying to be okay with it, but really, it just sucks. I'm not being pessimistic. I'm just being realistic. Those are different things, right? ;) I KID. I'm just grateful I get to talk to him at all. He's the highlight of my day everyday.
Like I've said, long distance is hard and really does deserve its own post.
With school and other things happening, life has been hard for me. The only thing that was getting me through the week was knowing at the end of that hard week was knowing at the end of it was an all night Skype date with Austin on Valentine's Day and a Bridal Shower one of my very close friends and old roommate, Shellie, was throwing for me. I was so hecka excited! I haven't had a party for me in so long! Then I found out that one of my best friends, Krisi, was even going to come up from Provo to come to my shower. And on top of that, no school on Monday! Best. Weekend. Ever.
The day before Valentine's Day when I came home from classes I came home to a tall box on my bed. I was so excited! The box told me to open at once and that there were perishable plants inside, and I can't not listen to the box! It didn't matter that is wasn't Valentine's Day! The original plan was to open our presents together over Skype, but like I said, how can I not do what the box tells me!? But I, being a guilt-prone fiancé, knew I'd better call him first before I did what the box told me to. He said I could open it though! Which was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. With the help of Anessa, we were able to outsmart the box. And this is what I got :)

He said he didn't want to get me something that would die right away. Maybe if I manage to be a good enough bamboo owner, it can can go in our future home someday! Challenge accepted! I loved the gift and the thoughtfulness of it. The best part of the gift though was the card. I don't think he fully understands just how much some sentimental words can mean to me :)
After a long day of work on Valentine's Day, I finally got to Skype with Austin! He was really tired though because he'd only gotten to have a couple hours of sleep within a few days, so we didn't get to do the long Skype date I was hoping for. But it was good to see him again. And it was nice to see his reaction to the gift. I hope he liked it :)

(I made little "Open When" letters for him. This was so fun for me. I got to write him little letters of things I wish I could say to him in person if I were there when he was experiencing different things. Some of the letters were for when he was having a bad day, bored, missed me, needed a pick up, the day he goes through the temple, the morning of our wedding, etc. Moral of the gift, I love him.)
Saturday Bridal Shower Day!!!!!!!! Just what I needed :)
I have amazing friends. It was so fun just spending time with them, reminiscing, and eating, of course. We went around the room talking, and I got dressed in a toilet paper wedding dress. Classy! I got some amazing gifts, too! Seriously, it was just such a good day for me. I felt so loved to know that these girls would take time out of their busy day just to celebrate that I'll be getting married in a few months (3 months from tomorrow, actually, to be exact). It was so good spending time with the girls I get to see on a regular basis, seeing old friends I hadn't seen in a while, and others who I've been friends with since my first semester here at BYU-Idaho when I was 18!

On another note, I'm going to be pretty mushy right now. Like I said, in just a few months I'll be getting to marry Austin. I can't begin to express how much I love this man. He has become my best friend, and my soulmate. I used to not believe in those, not until I made Austin mine. He has become a part of me, a part that is hard to remember how I was without. He is funny, he is kind, he is protective, he keeps me level headed, he helps me when I'm sad, he makes me happier when I'm happy, he is honest, he respects me, he is honorably, he is a hard worker, he is dedicated, he loves his family, he is... amazing. There isn't a day that I don't realize the blessing he has been in my life since I've met him half a year ago. The day I met him changed my life. If I had to choose again, I'd choose him right away all over again.
In just three months, I'll get to be sealed to my Austin. I've been thinking about this day since I was a young girl, and even more excited to know it's going to be with him. I'm looking forward to my eternity--Austin is my eternity. As hard as it is to be away from him, it's worth it. Because it's with him.

our engagement story.

Honestly, I think I started counting down to Novemeber the moment I got to Idaho. Before Austin and I seriously considered getting married, he nervously asked me to go meet his family in St. George, Utah for Thanksgiving. I said of course. Initially, the thought of being able to see him again was exciting enough. And as we got closer and our love grew, I was just very much excited to meet some of Austin's family. They're a part of him, they helped make him him. They helped make the man I had fallen so easily in love with. And eventually, I knew that someday they'd be my family too.
But before November, we had to get through September and October. Highlight of September? On September 25, 2013, Austin asked my parents for permission to marry me. He couldn't keep it a secret. Highlight of October? Prying for information about when he'd pop the question. He and my roommate/best friend Anessa were conspiring together. Her job was to make sure I wore cute clothes, even though they both insisted I was not getting engaged until after Christmas. As sweet and of good intent this was, I couldn't figure out just why he was so concerned about what clothes I brought to meet his family. I wanted to think he was secretly going to propose. But after prying with him, her, and family, my niece spilled that it was happening after Christmas. Bummer! So now I had a new issue to deal with: his family will judge me on how I look, and if I don't look cute, they might not like me! Oh my gosh, the pressure! I hate wearing pants!!! (turns out the only reason I had to dress cute is because Austin knew I'd be self conscious if I wasn't dressed nice. He and his family could care less what I was wearing.)
Confession: Not only was I now scared of what his family might think and try to determine if I'm cute enough for their Austin, now I was worrying that Austin won't think I'm cute enough anymore! Now you know how my mind works, point A to point F, to point Q, and that makes no sense... and now you're thinking, 'Calm down, girl.' But keeping calm is really not my forte.
As I was saying, I was secretly freaking out! What if I wasn't as good as he remembered? What if I wasn't as great as he thought I was when we first met? What if I was just some summer thing? What if he thought I was ugly now? So many possibilities and worst case scenarios running through my head. So, I over packed with anything I owned that was cute.
As nervous as I was, I was just so excited to see my cute boy again. I had butterflies through the whole five hour shuttle to Salt Lake City, where Austin would pick me up. I got all giddy all over again like I did when we first started dating. My feelings for him hadn't changed. And praise the Lord that his feelings for me didn't change either! He even thought I was cute still! Two points for me.

I liked his family a lot. I was definitely intimidated to meet so many, but I loved it. They're all so close to each other and they were so sweet to me. I got to spend one of the mornings talking to Austin's mom, Kriss. IT was such a good conversation and made me even more excited to someday join this family. I adore her. Everything was going great. FOR THE MOST PART.
Before anyone gets mad about this statement, this is where the engagement story begins.
It felt like every time I walked into a room, people stopped talking. At one point Austin and I were playing with his cousins, and he told me to keep watching them so he could talk to everyone else in his mom's room. I walked into the room with Austin's little cousin after a while because I was getting kind of lonely and honestly, I just wanted people to talk to me too! Everyone naturally stopped talking. This was now the common theme. Austin looks at me and said, "No kids allowed." I sadly and shamefully leave. Also through the week, Austin spent time texting secretly on his phone. Whenever I'd try to see what he was doing, he'd hide his phone. Or one time I was taking pictures on his phone and looked at them, Austin looked over and told me to stop snooping. My thought was What is he trying to hide or who is he talking to!? And me being the sensitive and insecure person I am, I was beginning to take all these things personally.
Thanksgiving night came. We had a huge family dinner. More and more I was worried none of these people liked me. Austin's mom told him to take me out for a drive or something, I thought she was just wanting to get rid of me because I was probably noticeably down. Almost as soon as we get alone, I started crying. I told hom how worried I was, and how I was pretty sure his family hated me. Austin very calmly and coolly, just as he always does, says, "Give it until Sunday. If you still think this way, we'll talk and figure something out." He took me out to a mountain that overlooks St. George, even the St. George Temple. It was beautiful. It calmed me down.
The next day everyone seemed a lot more relaxed around me and talked to me more. I assumed Austin told them that I was crying and asked them to talk to me more or something about making me feel more liked. We all dressed up nice because the plan was for the girls to go shopping while the boys went to a movie, and after we'd take family pictures. I was wearing some bright yellow and gray striped sweater. The last thing I said to Austin was more of a threat and that he better wear gray so I don't look stupid in the family pictures!
I'm such a sweetheart.
Anyway, we get to the Dixie Center where we start looking at all the booths. The plan was to meet in the middle at 11 (or was it 11:30?) so we can decide how much longer we want to stay. We get in the middle, and "Marry You" by Bruno Mars starts playing and two people start dancing. I turn to Nikayla, Austin's sister, and say, "I think it's a flash mob... with two people." She gets excited and says she knows the dance and jumps in. The mob gets bigger, and my only thought is "I wish I knew this dance." Kriss kept moving me around. I didn't think anything of that, other than how sweet she was trying to protect me from the flash mob. I randomly saw Kolten, Austin's little brother, in the group of dancers. I thought that was weird because they must've forgotten to take him to the movies--poor guy.
Yes. I was still completely clueless up to this moment. All up until I saw my Austin parting through the crowd of dancers. That's when it hit: "Oh crap, this is for me!!!!" Panicking!! I started shaking immediately. Austin got down on one knee, and smiling asked, "Alyssa Danielson, will you marry me?" My answer was simple. My body still shaking, I answer, "YES!"

ps, turns out this is why Austin was told to take me out that night after Thanksgiving dinner. Also turns out this is why they stopped talking whenever I walked into the room. They were planning my perfect engagement :)

dating and an "i love you."

Getting a boyfriend was definitely not on my to-do list while on my break from school. Like I said previously, my only plans was to look as heinous as possible by wearing pajamas and not doing my hair or makeup. Then Austin had to show up and be all cute and great and change my plans! But I guess I couldn't complain, I sorta liked the kid ;)
We knew when we decided to be in a relationship our time together in person would be limited. We now had less than a month to go on dates and spend time together. So we took advantage of the little time we had and spent nearly every day together. We got to know each other and learned little things about each other. I learned that this boy who I thought I'd have nothing in common with was more similar to me than I'd thought. I learned that I cared so much about him. I cared about his feelings. His hopes. His goals. His different concerns. His desires. I just cared about him. And he cared about me. That was most apparent in our time together.
We got to go on dates. We even went to a Bacon Festival. Yes. Apparently they make those. Yes. Apparently I liked him enough to go to a Bacon Festival. We got to go pee-wee golfing. He even let me cheat! That's how I knew he was one I wanted to keep around. Because if anyone knows me, they know I like to win. And I have no shame in admitting I'll cheat my way to victory. I do it with pride. But I don't think he minded it at all... because apparently I'd give him lots of kisses while I'd be cheating in our game. Win-win, yeah?
We got to hang out with others from the YSA ward, I grew to care about them a lot. We got to spend time with my family, where I got to see how he interacted with my siblings and my parents. We got to go car shopping, too! Ok. He went car shopping. And I came along. I think my job was to say which car I thought was cute or not. He ended up getting one, and that same day we made a trip to Gilroy. Way to make those miles! I don't know what it's called. But it's a black one. And according to the license plate, it's a Dodge. Look how cute he is standing next to it though!

One of my favorite parts of the summer was going to my backyard and we got to talk on the swing. That swing will now always be one of my favorite spots on earth. We'd talk for hours out there under the stars (or as much stars as one can see while living in the city). I can't tell you how many laughs we got to share with each other on my backyard patio. I'm pretty sure it's a possibility I cried back there too. I'd never been more open with anyone in my life. I liked this boy a lot.
One of the most memorable nights during our time together took outside of my house in his car when he was dropping me off after one of the group dates we went on. Before you start getting any weird or bad ideas, stop! We were just sitting in the car talking! Dirty minded people! I'm an angel!
The song "I Got You" by Jack Johnson was playing on the radio. I could tell he had something to say. Okay, fine, I guess I only knew because he said he had something to say, but didn't want to say it. Coward ;) So I did what any girl would do, and bug the heck out of him until he'd tell me! I learned a trick, I'd touch his face while saying "Say it" until he'd finally cave and tell me what he was thinking, and then some!
(Oh the glory days, that was when I was in my prime. I don't have the same effect anymore!)
As I was saying: So he looks at me and I'm pretty sure I got butterflies. He secretly had that effect on me. He'd make me feel all nervous inside, no matter how brave I'd pretend to be. I could tell he was still a little hesitant to tell me whatever was on his mind, but that didn't stop him. Looking at me he says, "So I called my mom tonight and told her about you." This only made me more nervous! What did he tell her about me? What did she think about me? What if he told her things about me and she thought I was weird? Because lets be honest, I'm so crazy! And again, what did he tell her about me!? So I tell him to tell me what he told her. He answers, "I told her I'm pretty sure I met the girl I'm going to marry."
Though we had hypothetically talked about, joked about how it could be a possibility that maybe, possibly we could see ourselves marrying each other someday, the only response I could very loudly come up with was: "Oh really? What!? We haven't even said 'I love you' yet!"
I think Austin embarrassingly laughed and said, "Well I don't want to be that guy!" I was speechless though. We just looked at each other in that dark car and simply stared. I don't think it was very long, but as cliché as it may be, it felt like time stood still. I couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't believe this was real life. But I felt it too. Since we decided dating, I had the feeling I'd probably marry this boy someday. Very quietly and calmly, Austin said, "I love you."
Panicking! But so excited! And so happy! But still so nervous! Awkwardly and so in character of myself, I answer, "I maybe, sorta, kinda, possibly, might, maybe, kinda, possibly, sorta love you too." Coolly, he responds, "Not kinda, sorta, maybe... I love you." After breathing, I was easily able to tell him I loved him back.
Want to know a secret? I already knew I loved him. That night I ran into my house, woke up my mom, and told her I was pretty sure I was going to marry Austin. She probably thought I was crazy... and I wouldn't blame her if she did. I'm not sure if this was part of my journal entry from that night, or from before, but it's a classic Alyssa journal entry. And it was about this boy I never planned on meeting :)

The rest of my stay at home flew by and escaped me completely. We had fun though.

Going back to school was hard! Here I was with this incredible guy I only had a short time with, then it was like "BYEEE." But here we were, about to embark on our long distance relationship. Maybe I'll talk about that some other time. Because lets be real... long distance relationships needs its own post. Amen? I'll agree with myself with an AMEN. Since me being in Idaho and him home in California, our dates have turned into Skype dates and phone dates. And you know what? I love every minute I get to spend talking to this boy. I love getting to see him even through a webcam and terrible internet connection. Because the truth is, I love any chance I get to talk to Austin. I love continuing getting to know him. I love that I keep falling more in love with him. I love that he'd be there for me without physically being with me. I could call crying, stressed, happy, excited, bored, or whatever emotion... And sometimes these different emotions happened within one day! And he was there for me.
PS, look how photogenic we are!

&remember how he gave me butterflies? He still does. I still get excited when I see an incoming call from my Austin.