They did an ultrasound, and the doctor was very quiet as she stared at the screen. She was quiet because there was nothing. No tiny little jellybean to give us that heartbeat that the women in the movies cried over. I was told it could be an early miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. My human growth levels in my blood was very low.
I was devastated. I felt like I'd lost someone, though it's someone I'd never really had. I got a blessing from Austin to help comfort me as we waited for more test results. I never knew just how much I wanted and loved this child as o did when I thought it was gone.
Nine months later, I was sitting in my doctor's office for my last prenatal appointment. I think I spent the whole nine months worrying I could lose her, because in the very beginning I was told I may have. The pregnancy wasn't easy, I was sick a lot. I was depressed a lot. (Hello 60 lb weight gain.) (I think I'll write a blog post about my depression, but that will have to wait, because that's REAL talk.) I was anxious and worried. A lot. Are you catching a theme? I didn't want to be pregnant anymore, I was ready to worry about my baby outside of me where I could see her!
My last prenatal appointment was the day before the big D-day, April 22. I had emphasized a lot to Dr. Lee (best OB/GYN ever) that I realllly didn't want to go over my due date. I was having some issues with dizziness and carpal tunnel with pregnancy. And like I said, wanted to finally meet this baby! Dr. Lee went straight to the point, I'd be induced in two days as it was the only opening for induction and she knew I didn't want to go too far past my due date. And then suddenly, I was ok to be pregnant longer because oh my heck I was freaking out. And then there was little Austin, happy as a clam. Was ready to announce it to the world. I on the other hand wanted comfort food.
Thursday came quickly. Very quick. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning because of lower back pain. Contractions. They were pretty regular but like other contractions I had, I chalked it up to false preterm labor. I tried going back to sleep but was hurting pretty good, Austin was snoring, and I was anxious. We did some last minute errands and waited until 5pm to call labor and delivery like we were told. She told me the good news- I would come in at 7. Austin was practically jumping with joy telling me to hurry up and finish getting ready, and I was scared out of my freaking mind! I took a quick shower and we left.
Checking in was quick. They hooked me up to a monitor and I watched as my contractions came every 3 minutes. Answered lots of questions, could tell they weren't sure why I was being induced a day after my due date with a completely healthy pregnancy. But they did point out I was in early labor already.
The midwife came in and I know you're not supposed to judge people, but I didn't like her. She had creepy eyes and a weird smile with big teeth. She basically said she didn't like that I was being induced and said its a good possibility I'll be sent home in 24 hours because the induction will fail. I cried. I was dilated to a 1.5 and was having contractions all day and though I was scared, I was ready. But now I was freaking out that my induction was going to fail! Luckily though, she said I can stay and see if it would work and that she was actually going to be ending her shift in an hour. She did a quick membrane sweep and left the room.
I was given an IV, and is probably the most painful IV in the world. It was an awkward position, so I could barely move my hand or arm.
The new midwife was perfect. She was a little Latina lady who her and I talked in the same way. I had my ghetto voice going. She said she wanted to have the baby out possibly in 12 hours. She put the balloon catheter in around 9-9:30 and put the Pitocin on a level one. Somewhere in this I thought by the end of the balloon I'd be dilated to a three. The bad thing about the balloon is that you don't know how much you've progressed. You didn't know until the balloon would finally fall out.
The contractions came in quick and pretty hard. But it was okay and bearable. Austin and I sat in the room and watched the Food Network channel. Austin wanted to watch Guardians of the Galaxy so we watched that too.
Initially we were going to have it just be me and Austin in the delivery room, but we also have my mom in there too. She helped a lot and probably helped me make sure I did not bite off Austin's head. It was also nice to have her there because I had one on each side of me, Austin held my hand and my mom rub my leg.
I finally asked for some pain medicine in my contractions got bad. I didn't want to ask for an epidural for a while. I've heard that it can slow down labor, and there is no way I was going to want to be sent home the next day!! That medicine was heavenly! It made me super dizzy, but for the first time I could close my eyes. Austin laughed at me because I finally relaxed and said, "I love medicine."
You're not allowed to get up or walk around while on the medicine though because it makes you so dizzy. But not going to lie, I really wanted to go to the bathroom! They didn't tell me that I was only going to last 30 minutes though, and that 30 minutes away really quick!!!! I'd have to wait an hour before i could get another dose into my IV. That sucked. But before that hour ended, the balloon came out!! It was around 1, and I was a little sad because that meant I was probably only at a 3. I asked if I could get another dose of pain reliever, the nurse looked at me and said I can get the epidural. I was a little hesitant, I'd heard that epidurals can slow down the process. But we decided to go ahead and do it anyway.
We accredit everything from this point on to the movie Frozen. It wasn't until we started watching this movie that everything started to speed up. My body was ready to let this baby go!
Dorris, my midwife, came in and checked me, I was at a 7 or an 8!! We couldn't believe it, it went so quickly and I couldn't believe how strong I was, I was planning on getting an epidural at a 2! That's when I realized I could do this.
The guy who did it was pretty cool, I think he thought I was too much of a worrier with all my what ifs, and assured me that if epidurals were that bad he wouldn't be giving them. I got brave and got the creepy epidural and was so relieved and was mostly comfortable.
At 2:15 a.m. my water broke!!!! This was the most exciting part yet because that meant no matter what, this little girl would be here in 24 hours! They couldn't send me home!
Austin's mom, sister Nikayla, and grandma drove all day and came in to visit. I didn't want a lot of people in there because of my anxiety and stress. And labor isn't pretty.
Everyone was kicked out because it was time to rest. I was checked again and I was completely dilated and effaced. They stopped the epidural and I just wished I'd pressed the boost of the medicine a few more times because the contractions hurt even with the epidural! But they wanted to give me an hour for it to wear off some more so I'd know when to push.
I loved this time we had alone. We said a prayer together. Austin was able to sleep but I of course could not. That hour disappeared and the contractions were very much there. My nurse came in just before 6 a.m. and said it was time to start pushing. It was go time.
I knew exactly when to push. I knew how to push. It's like my body knew what it was doing. Austin was there with me by my side. He encouraged me and supported me. Literally. he had my numb, dead weight leg. I remember looking up and seeing how excited he was. I'll never forget Austin in this way. So loving and amazing to me. He is my favorite cheerleader and I'll always be grateful for him.
When the baby started to crown, more nurses and my midwife came in. At one point or another, I thought I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt and I didn't think I could handle much more. It was hot and I couldn't breathe good. I cried and said I couldn't do anymore, Dorris grabbed my leg and looked me square in the eye and said, "No mamas, you use that. You use that!" So I couldn't stop. When it was time to push I pushed.
Austin updated me on the progress the whole time. Told me I was close and that she had dark hair. Austin told me to push and I'm pretty positive I yelled at him saying, "I am pushing!!" The cord was wrapped around her neck so everything sped up. Our sweet Nora was born at 6:47 a.m. Less than 50 minutes of pushing.
I waited for that first cry and the moment I heard it I was relieved. She had the sweetest, cutest cry. She was here. We cried. That was the first time I'd seen Austin cry. They put her on my chest and although I couldn't see her, she was beautiful. Even though she was hairy ;) I've never felt that kind of love before. It was a perfect kind of love. I don't know how else to describe it. But I'd never loved or been more grateful for anything else in my life. I'd never felt more loved by my husband before, even more than on our wedding day. And I don't think I loved him any more either.
This is my happiest memory.
